Books, the interwebz, and TV are my friends right now. I have watched so much TV. I am sick of TV. I miss seeing my horse and am tired of back seat directing my generous friends on how to check on and care for my horse.
The interwebz told me that you know you are ready for labor when “the prospect of taking care of a new human is less scary to you than the idea of staying pregnant any longer.”
By that definition, I am ready.
In the absence of any real horse activity, I decided that the best thing to do was to re-watch corny horse movies I have not seen since childhood and that are available through Netflix On Demand. They didn’t have “The Horse in the Grey Flannel Suit”, boo! But they did have the ultra-corny 1977 classic, “Danny.”
I can totally see why I liked this movie as a ten-year-old. The plot goes something like this:
A horseless young girl who works at a rich family’s private stable falls in love with the rich daughter’s cute, grey, champion, large welsh pony, Danny. Then the rich daughter loses interest in Danny after he refuses a jump and she falls off of him at a show. At this point, the horseless girl starts schooling Danny for the rich daughter, but then Danny goes lame and may never show again, so the rich father gives the now presumed useless Danny to the horseless girl. The horseless girl then rehabs Danny. Her efforts are almost thwarted when the rich daughter lets Danny out of his stall and he runs away. After searching for Danny, luckily, he comes back with his injury doing better than ever! Then, the horseless girl and Danny prepare to face the rich daughter and her new thoroughbred in the county horse show. Drama ensues. The rich daughter blocks Danny from view of the judge during the flat class (that bitch). But in the next class, she doesn’t and Danny still doesn’t get a ribbon. Redemption is to be had in the Children’s Hunter over fences class! Danny beats out the rich daughter and her thoroughbred to win the class. However Danny goes lame again as soon as the class is over and that’s basically the end of the movie. The credits start rolling and a sappy song starts playing while the horseless girl leads lame Danny around a field.
Now as an adult, I find I can’t just suspend belief and enjoy the darned movie. So here’s what I keep thinking:
Why did people in this 1977 have that beaver/cleaver old fashioned way of speaking? I mean, these same people are still alive and no one talks like that now.
The horseless girl’s name is Janie? Really? Janie? You couldn’t just call her Jane or anything other than Janie?
The female riding instructor/barn manager is always wearing a bandana/headscarf around her head 24/7. Did riders really used to do that or is that just some type of rider lady dress code stereotype?
Why if Danny’s owners are so stinkin’ rich, can they only afford a horse that places second on the flat at the county horse show? Shouldn’t it be winning at The Garden or something?
In the first horse show scene in which Danny refuses to jump, the ring is some ghetto grass dirt combination. The footing looks so bad, it’s no wonder he goes lame. Why are the rich people messing with such a ghetto show?
Hunt caps without chin straps on kids…yeah! Go safety.
The fences in the two horse shows (which were filmed on location at real shows; one in CT, one in NJ) were set at 2’6” or so for the kids. Guess that disproves the people who say in the ‘70s all of the fences at shows were at least 3’6”. The people making those claims must also be the ones who walked 20 miles one way to school…uphill…in the snow.
Janie’s mom’s boyfriend and the rich dad just bet $500 on the Children’s Hunter division at the county horse show. Yep, that just happened.
And finally, the pony is lame again after only one jumping round although Janie doesn’t seem to care. As a jaded, horse owning adult, all I can think is “damn kid, that sucks. It’s not even a horse, it’s a pony and those are long lived. You’ll be paying on your lame pony until he’s 35.
I know, I know! I am so cranky. I need to get back to doing real horse things soon.